i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
