hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
