the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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