so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
