he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
