Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
