Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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