I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
