it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
