Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
