do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
