I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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