I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
