yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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