Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
