I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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