Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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