We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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