I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
