Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
