I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
