I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
