Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
