Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
