tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
