woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
