D3 body, D1 cock
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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