I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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