I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
