First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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