So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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