How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
