I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
