We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Enjoy the penises
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its liver damage thursday
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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