do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
