i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
