i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
