wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
