please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
