Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can I color on your dick again?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
