can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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