I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
