What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
