I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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