As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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