Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
