Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
