I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
