I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
