She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
