I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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