then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
